


It's My Party and I'll Dry If I Want To

by citrusella



Category: Steven Universe (Cartoon)
Genre: Birthday, Birthday Party, Dialogue Heavy, Gen, Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder - PTSD, Scars, Swimming Pools, references Steven's monstering (but is set like a year and a half after it)
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-08-21
Updated: 2020-08-21
Packaged: 2021-03-07 02:35:15
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,016
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26029549
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/citrusella/pseuds/citrusella
Summary: You would dry too, if it happened to you!Or: Steven says he wants a pool party for his eighteenth birthday in Delmarva, after over a year of traveling the country. ...But why isn't he swimming?
Relationships: Amethyst & Steven Universe, Connie Maheswaran/Steven Universe
Comments: 5
Kudos: 57
Collections: lofi fanfics to practice social distancing to





	It's My Party and I'll Dry If I Want To

**Author's Note:**

> A birthday fic for Steven! It's only a week late! XD I'll just pretend I thought today was August 15. o.o

The pool deck at the community center on Connie's side of town was bustling with activity, which was especially saying something considering it was closed for a small party.

Though, considering the party was for Steven Universe of all people, recently returned briefly from his nationwide trip long enough to celebrate his birthday, maybe it _wasn't_ that surprising that the party wasn't all that "small".

What _was_ surprising was the fact that the birthday boy was nowhere to be seen.

Plenty of people and gems were out on the water, some under the water… Steven was not one of them.

He wasn't on a chair, or by the snack bar.

He had told Greg he was headed to the bathroom. 20 minutes ago. The man had finally gotten worried enough to check on him and he wasn't there.

…At that, Connie and Amethyst had decided to split up and comb the deck for him, just to check up and see that he was alright.

It was his sister figure who had found him sitting on the ground in the dark, shaded alcove walling off the pool supply closet.

"Ah… hey, dude. What'cha doin' over here when you know where the party's at?" She bobbed her head side to side as if there was music playing, even though there wasn't.

"I… it's nothing." He pinched a bit of his Crying Breakfast Friends swim trunks in between his finger and thumb, rubbing the fabric together.

"Doesn't sound like nothing," she frowned.

"It's just… it's silly. I… shouldn't feel as bad about it as I do." He pressed his lips tightly shut.

"Uh… man? Are you still going to therapy? What's that lady teaching you?"

That happened to be enough to get a snicker out of him—briefly. "No, it's… I'm just psyching myself out. My… brain being a… I dunno, a party pooper?"

"Gah, so un-poop it by… peeing in the pool?"

" _…What._ "

"Forget I said that. I just mean I think enjoying the party would get your brain outta the funk or whatever."

He peered around the edge of the brick wall, then ducked back behind it.

"I can't."

She sat against the wall across from him. "Geez. Your brain must be in an especially bad mood today if it's enough to basically ruin your big 1-8 by hiding you the whole time. Lay it on me, man."

"…I don't know what I was thinking, picking a pool party." He rubbed the back of his neck, and his thumb barely grazed the somewhat-faded but still-prominent scar circling his back, making him wince, though not out of pain so much as emotion.

"Really? You sounded pretty excited when you brought it up on the phone."

" Yeah, because I thought I could do it, I thought I'd be ready, but… I'm not."

"W—"

"The last time I was… _really_ … in water was…"

Oh. "Right."

"Yeah."

"—Wait, you haven't gone to one motel or anything?"

"No, of course I did—wait, I've _called you from_ —" he sighed, "I've hung _around_ pools and stuff, even went to the beach once or twice—Califarmland's is _so_ much different from ours, it's _wild_ —I just never got in. I don't even take off my shirt anymore. Just… hang around the pool in… this one, actually." He looked down at his white shirt, the navy trims around his neck and arms and the navy and green stripes across the chest standing out on its bright shade.

"Some… guy in Jersey psyched me out. He didn't say anything but I could tell he… he _saw_ it." He did not have to explain what "it" was. "He just… he looked at me weird and then all of a sudden I didn't wanna be there anymore? I hadn't even gotten in the water and I just wanted to go back to my room. I talked with my therapist about it, but I guess it's just a _thing_ now? I tried again when me and Connie and her dad were staying in the same hotel when she was up in Providence Island checking out Green University, but…" he frowned, "I couldn't convince myself to do it."

Connie had taken Lion all over the state last summer; they had made a game out of seeing how many times he could cross paths with her. But Mr. Maheswaran had wanted to tag along to the prestigious Holly League university and check it out with his daughter, so they'd stayed in a local hotel. Dr. Maheswaran had wanted to, as well, but… work. She sent her well-wishes, to both of them.

"I thought Connie would notice that I was hanging around in a shirt and not wanting to swim or anything, but she didn't say anything, so maybe not?"

"I mean, she probably noticed, dude. Nothing gets past her. Probably just figured maybe you had a reason or something. One that _wasn't_ eating away at you."

"…Yeah."

Amethyst studied the coarse bits of rock aggregate in the concrete, not sure if she should be thinking of some sort of response to that or waiting for Steven to ramble at her a little more. He certainly _seemed_ like he had more to say, but—

He let loose a light groan. "The worst part is, some part of it feels like it's my fault."

"Dude. You're blaming yourself for some dude in Jersey who can't mind his business?"

"No, I'm blaming myself for… okay, I know it's not _really_ my… I… ever since then, when I thought about getting in the water, I just… it felt like it was going to be that day all over again. Like I'd turn back and everyone would _know_ … why I—it's…"

"Steven." She looked at him with sad eyes, but backed off speaking further when Steven found himself continuing almost without paying her mind.

"I tried talking it out, on the video chats, I… but… I dunno. It's weird. Like… my mind took one little look and just… ran with it. —Gah, my body never felt like a _problem_ before. I don't _want_ it to be one! But my brain just can't give it a rest! Sometimes I even have trouble with baths now? But, like, that makes even less sense because I'm _alone_ for that—" He groaned and rested his folded arms on his knees.

"It's a good thing you take showers, then," she snorted, determined to get a word in edgewise.

"Amethyst," he chided the purple gem and then, as if a switch had turned on, cocked his head up at her. "Oh, geez, I've been talking your ear off, haven't I?"

"Can't talk off something I don't got, bruh." She pulled her hair to the side to showcase the absence of any outer earlobe, apparently something she'd reformed without or at least shapeshifted away for the sake of the joke.

That earned a chuckle out of the birthday boy before he let out a deep sigh. "It's been a year. I thought I could make myself do it again, I was _excited_ for this. I planned it out, I talked with my therapist about it, and now it's happening and I'm choking and I'm gonna have to tell her I let her down."

She squinted and looked him dead in the eye, to the point he wanted to look away from the grilling feeling. "Dude, stop. You're not letting anyone down. Not your therapist, not me or Connie or your dad or anyone else. The only person you can let down on your birthday is you. By not trying your best to have fun, man."

"…Even though _I_ wanted a pool party but _I'm_ not swimming?" He cocked an eyebrow.

"I mean, _if_ you swam, I don't think anyone would really care, my guy. I think a lot of people here already know. And even if they didn't, nobody's gonna let anyone do anything that makes you feel like garbage."

Steven shifted ever so minutely. "…I dunno. Half the grown-ups—"

"— _you're_ a grown-up now, dude—" Amethyst cut him off, offering a finger gun.

"—Half the _old people_ ," Amethyst snickered at his revision, "don't know about it, and Jeff and Daniel and Patricia don't know, and the Cool Kids… Lars knows, but that's only because Connie and I fused last time we visited him and he kinda… saw? We had to explain it." Amethyst frowned.

Steven looked at his toes, wiggling them for a few moments. "I think I just don't like feeling like I _have to explain it_. Especially on my birthday."

"Well, then, uh… it's your party? You can dry if you want to?"

"Wha—is that a—"

"Amethyst is right."

Steven turned to look at the 16-year-old girl standing above him, clearly ready for some pool summer fun but somehow still without losing the knightly demeanor that seemed to follow her like a tidal wave. "Whuh—Connie? How long have you been—"

"From a distance? Like, five, ten minutes? Close up it was only really long enough to hear the very end. Not your best work, Amethyst," she added in a polite tone, glancing to Amethyst long enough to see the gem offer a shrug that gave off a "tough crowd" vibe before turning her undivided attention to Steven. "But she's right. You don't have to swim if you don't want to. —Ooh, or… I mean, we could swim as Stevonnie. But, like, only if you want to, I'm not trying to, um, to push."

Truthfully, sometimes he felt so ambivalent, _today_ he felt so ambivalent, that he wasn't sure even Stevonnie would help. Nevertheless, he gave a curt smile. "I… maybe sometime… but not today? Gotta be my own person and all that."

Connie offered up her own soft smile as she crouched down and sat cross-legged just outside the alcove. "Of course."

With the two teens preoccupied with looking into each other's eyes, Amethyst took the opportunity to think to herself… but only long enough to blurt out the first thought that came to her mind.

"Hey, you could always swim with your shirt still on!" she practically shouted.

Steven blinked. "Amethyst, it's cotton, there's a rule."

Connie placed a finger to her chin. It'd be a major problem if the community center manager showed up, or if that snooty Brad guy from school went on duty during the party, but otherwise most of the lifeguards were chill enough that it probably wouldn't matter.

Then again, Steven usually tried to follow rules that he didn't think were hurting anybody.

"Never stopped me," Amethyst smirked.

"Puh—Deh—Your clothes are made of light!" he gesticulated toward her completely unmodified form, one with no extra human clothes on top, as if that in itself proved his point.

"Says you."

"Says..! Everyone! I—Whatever, I… Are… Are you guys _really_ sure? What if people ask questions?"

"Tell the truth, even if it's not all the details: You wanted a pool party but you just don't feel like swimming." Connie thought for a moment about what else she could add, but before she could speak further, Amethyst interjected.

"And if you _really_ need an excuse, grab something from the snack bar and then you can just claim 30-minute rule, dude!"

Steven looked skeptically from Amethyst to Connie, who replied, "She's got a point. Regardless of how scientifically sound that rule actually is."

She put a hand on his shoulder. "Even if you do need to deal with it, it doesn't _have_ to be today if it's not an emergency."

"Yeah… Yeah!" He whacked the bottom of his upturned right fist on top of his open left hand once, as if to seal his newfound excitement and triumph with this new plan. "Now I just have one more question…"

Connie and Amethyst stared him down in confusion. What else could he need to ask?

He stood and lunged as if ready to sprint, and then didn't wait for an answer, bolting as soon as the question was out of his mouth. "Which one of you thinks they can beat me to the ice cream?!"

**Author's Note:**

> Happy birthday, Steven!
> 
> Also, thanks to [CaptainJZH](https://archiveofourown.org/users/CaptainJZH/pseuds/CaptainJZH) for taking a look at it!


End file.
